Friday 31 January 2014

Clean up your hijacked settings

So, you're trying to download a free screensaver or game or something else you really want. But later you find out that game came bundled with a malicious program that's trying to hijack your browser settings. You're not the only one having this problem—in fact, it's an issue that’s continuing to grow at an alarming rate. You should always be in charge of your own Chrome settings. To help keep your browser settings under your control we added a “reset browser settings” button to Chrome’s settings page in October.

Despite this, settings hijacking remains our number one user complaint. To make sure the reset option reaches everyone who might need it, Chrome will be prompting Windows users whose settings appear to have been changed if they’d like to restore their browser settings back to factory default. If you’ve been affected by settings hijacking and would like to restore your settings, just click “Reset” on the prompt below when it appears.



Note that this will disable any extensions, apps and themes you have installed. If you’d like to reactivate any of your extensions after the reset, you can find and re-enable them by looking in the Chrome menu under “More tools > Extensions.” Apps are automatically re-enabled the next time you use them.

Some hijackers are especially pernicious and have left behind processes that are meant to undermine user control of settings, so you may find that you’re hijacked again after a short period of time. If that happens you can find additional help uninstalling such programs in the Chrome help forum—and remember even if you don’t see the prompt, you can always restore Chrome to a fresh state by clicking the reset button in your Chrome settings.

Linus Upson, Vice President of Engineering

Rani Laxmi Bai

 When a girl Is in her Mayka, she stays like a  RANI,
          
          
          

Jab Shaadi hokar jati hai toh LAXMI kehlati hai,  💴💶

Aur Sasural me Kaam Karte-Karte BAI ban jaati hai. 

Is tarah Ladkiya RANI-LAXMI-BAI ban jati hai! !!!! 
😆😆

Thursday 30 January 2014

Dry Days in 2014

Dry day calendar of 2014

Guess International Brand of Watches

Here is the Whatsapp Emoticons quiz Guess International Brand of Watches

This is a very difficult Whatsapp quiz,
So give your answers in the comment section !


To share on whatsapp, copy all between the lines
---------------------------------
Guess International brand of watches
1. O
2. 
3. 🔪
4. 
5. ↔💲
6. ❎
7. D
8. 
9. 
10. ⏰
11. 🙊__
12. 🔘
13. U
----------------------------------


Answers to " Guess International Brand of Watches" Whatsapp Quiz

Vaccum cleaner salesman

A new vacuum salesman knocked at the door….

A lady opened it. Before she could speak... The salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow shit on the carpet.

Salesman: - Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in the next 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this shit..!!

Lady: Do you need Chili Sauce with that?

Salesman: - Why Madam?

Lady: - Because there's no electricity in the house...!!!

MORAL: - "Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client... & over smartness in India can be deadly."...

Wednesday 29 January 2014

What is humility

How do you know if you are truly humble
- A rich man once went to his Guru & said, "I want to develop humility." The guru suggested that he help someone who is lower than him.
He did that and came back to the guru and said, "I've helped a poor man today with wealth. Am I humble now?" The guru replied No and asked him to help another man lower than him. But after repeated visits to different people, he finally asked his guru, "When will I become humble?"
The wise old man replied, "You will have obtained humility when you can no longer find anyone that you think is lower than you in any way!"

Everyone may not be equal in power, status or wealth. But the day you realize tht everyone is equal...... the Leader in you is born! 

New Husband stores

A store that sells "New Husbands" has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!!

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

(scroll and keep reading!)



The store's owner opened a "New Wives Store" just across the street.

The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men.

The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!

Hyderabadi son

In one Hyderabadi family a son comes home crying from school
Mom : kaiku rora?
Son : teacher maari merku.
Mom: kaiku Mari chudel terku ?
Son : main murgi bola usku.
Mom : arre  kaiku aisa bola re ?
Son : kaiku bole toh ?
Har exam mein anda  deeri merku

Tuesday 28 January 2014

Aaj ka suvichar (wife)

Aaj  ka  SUVICHAR ....
💬
"BADAAM khaane se utni
          Akkal  nahi aati" ...
"Jitni shadi ke bad
          Aati hai... "

Q. Kashmir aur biwi mein kya samanta hai.....

Ans. Waise to dono hi samasya hai... par padosi nazar daale to gussa aat hai...
😎

What's the best example of "once in a lifetime opportunity?
A mosquito sitting on your wife's face.:😛

Guess Country Names

Whatsapp Emoticons Quiz about " Guess Country Names "

Guess Country Names and give your answers in the comments !










Answers to " Guess Country Names " whatsapp quiz

Chrome + LEGO: You can build whatever you like

Think back: you’ve just dumped a bin of LEGO® bricks onto the floor with a satisfying crash, and you have the whole day ahead of you to build whatever you want. There’s something pretty amazing about being able to piece together your ideas with just a collection of colorful bricks.

Well, we think the creative freedom of LEGO bricks shouldn’t be limited to plastic bins—which is the idea behind Build with Chrome, a collaboration between Chrome and the LEGO Group that brought these colorful bricks to the web using WebGL, a 3D graphics technology. It was originally built by a team in Australia as an experiment, and now we’re opening it up to everybody. So now you can publish your wacky creations to any plot of land in the world.
We’ve added a few new features to make it easier to build and explore this digital world of LEGO creations. To start, you can now sign in with a Google+ account to help find stuff that people in your circles have created. A new categorization system for completed Builds will help you sort and filter for specific types of structures.

To hone your engineering skills and prepare for the upcoming “THE LEGO® MOVIE ,” you can explore the Build Academy, a series of short tutorials and challenges featuring characters and structures from the film.

If it feels more natural to use your hands—rather than a mouse—you can build your creations using a touchscreen on your phone or tablet with Chrome for Android support for WebGL on devices with high-end graphics capabilities.

As big fans of LEGO, we’re excited to see what you come up with to fill this new world. Share your creations on Google+ and we’ll reshare the most inventive ones.

Posted by Adrian Soghoian, Product Marketing Manager and Beginning Builder

End of the world

God decided it was time to end the world, so he called together those whom he considered the three most influential people in the world. President of USA Barrack Obama, Chinese President Xi Jinping, and Prime Minister of India Manmohan Singh.

"The world will end," God told them. "You must go and tell the people."

Obama, made a live statement on TV. "I've good news and BAD news." he said. "The good news is that we have been right, there is a God. The bad news is that he is ending the world."
The second person, Xi Jinping sent out a worldwide message. "I've bad news and WORSE news," he said. "The bad news is that we have been wrong all along - there is a God. The worse news is that he is ending the world."

Third person, Manmohan Singh immediately calls up Sonia Gandhi and says, "I've good news and BETTER news. The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most influential people in the world. The better news is that we do not have to worry about how to stop Modi from becoming PM."

Expectations from bahu and damaad

Lady 1: Tumhari bahu  kaise hai?
Lady 2: Bahu to bahut buri hai, roz late uthti hai,
mera beta uske liye chai banata hai, Ghar ka koi
kaam nahi karti. Aur jab dekho mere bete se bahar
khana khane ke liye kehti rehti hai
Lady 1: Aur damaad?
Lady 2: Damaad to farishta hai. Roz subah meri beti ko chai bana ke pilata hai Usey ghar ka koi kaam karne nahi deta & aksar bahar khana khane le jata hai. Aisa damaad sabko mile !!

Logic of Kans in Mahabharata

Teacher was teaching Mahabaratha to 6th std students. "Kans heard devaki's 8th son wud kill him. So he put devaki & vasudev in prison. 1st child was born. Kans killed it by poison. 2nd Kans killed by sword. 3rd was born n so on...

At this point a boy raised his hand for a doubt.

Teacher : What?

Boy : "If kans knew that the 8th son wud kill him, why did he put devaki & vasudev in SAME jail?"

Teacher fainted !!

Generation gap, but common sense ! Point to banata hai

Ali and habib beggars

Ali and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London .

Habib begs just as long as Ali does,  but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes,
lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Ali  'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Ali  says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?

Ali shows Habib his sign....

It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '.

Monday 27 January 2014

What makes life successful

Very interesting & meaningful msg to share:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is equal to:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,

H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ;
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%

K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ;
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%

L+O+V+E;
12+15+22+5 = 54%

L+U+C+K ;
12+21+3+11 = 47%

None of them makes 100%. Then what makes 100%?

Is it Money? NO!

M+O+N+E+Y= 13+15+14+5+25=72%

Leadership? NO!

L+E+A+D+E+R+S+H+I+P= 12+5+1+4+5+18+19+8+9+16=97%

Every problem has a solution, only if we perhaps change our "ATTITUDE"...

A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E ;
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

It is therefore OUR ATTITUDE towards Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100% Successful.

Amazing mathematics

Beautiful msg to share:

Why husbands avoid questions

Why husbands avoid questions!

WIFE:What would you do if i died?
Would you get married again?

Husband:No...

Wife-Why not?Don't you like being married?

Husband:Of course i do.

Wife:Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Husband:Ok, ok, i'd get married again...

Wife:Would you live in our house with yournew Wife...?

Husband:Yes, it's a great house.

Wife:Would you let her drive my car ?

Husband:Yes, its almost new, dear .

Wife:Would you give her my jewelry?

Husband:No..I am sure she would want her own..

Wife:Would she wear my shoes..?

Husband:No, her size is '5'

Wife:--silence-

Husband:'shiiit'...!!!

Irony of life

The Irony of Life is.....

Airports have seen more Affectionate Kisses than Wedding Halls..

The Walls of Hospitals have heard more Sincere Prayers than the Walls of Temples, Masjid and churches..

Good Days or Bad Days Depend on ur Thinking. What u Call "Suffocation" in Local Train Becomes  "Atmosphere" in Disco.

Pizza....always confuses us ... it comes in a square box ... when you open it ... it's round ... when you start eating it ... it's triangle !
Life  &  People are also like Pizza ... Look different .. Appear different .. & .. Behave absolutely different

Fact of life:

5 Apple : Rs. 60
Apple 5 : Rs. 60,000

Situations and positions  matters..!!!

Sunday 26 January 2014

A jobless man applied for a job at microsoft

U'll love this....

A jobless man applied for the job  of "office boy" at Microsoft. 

The HR interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the forms to fill in as well as when you may start". The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." "I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means u do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10
in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket & buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realised that he can survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier and return late. Thus, his money dbld or trpld everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life Insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.

When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email." The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:
1) Internet/email/bbm/whatsapp is not the solution to your life.
2) If you don't have internet/email/bbm/whatsapp , and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
3) If you received this message by email/bbm/whatsapp, u are not any close to being a Billionaire.

P.S - Don't send this back to me, I'm busy selling Tomatoes
😆

A cowboy arrives in town

A cowboy arrives in town on Sunday. He stays for 3 days and then leaves on Sunday.
How is possible?
Try answering it....!!

Answers to Guess Country Names Whatsapp Quiz

Question to Guess Country Names Whatsapp Quiz
Answers to Guess Country Names Whatsapp Quiz

1 Germany
2 Oman
3 China
4 Cuba
5 Botswana
6 Ukraine
7 Spain
8 Wales
9 Peru
10 Italy
11 Argentina
12 Dubai
13 Bali
14 Pakistan
15 India
16 Iran
17 Panama
18 Singapore

Friday 24 January 2014

Life compared to telecom networks

College life is like Reliance !! "
Karlo Duniya Mutthi Mein"

😎Bachelor Life is Like Airtel!! "
Aisi Azadi aur Kahan"

After Engagement is Like Idea!!
" Jo Badal de aapki Zindgi"

After Marrige is like Vodafone!!
" Wherever U go.. network Follows"

After 👪Kid is like 📞BSNL!!
" All lines are 🙈🙉🙊Busy" !!

Thursday 23 January 2014

Two voices on a flight

Two voices, one male and one female, overheard on a flight to Vancouver from Singapore.
"I think everyone's asleep, let's go."
"This one's empty... nobody's looking... You go in first."
"It's a bit cramped - let me sit down."
"Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on."
Sniff.. Sniff...
"Ah perfume - you think of everything !"
"This is great...!" (long deep sighs)...
Suddenly a voice erupts over the intercom and then..."This is the Captain speaking... To those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by AirlineRegulations.... Now put out those cigarettes and take the condom off the smoke detector!"

Count every F in this text

A MUST TRY!!!!!!!
ALZHEIMERS'  EYE TEST

(I love this part.. It's absolutely amazing!)

Count every  "  F  " in the following text:

FINISHED  FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED  WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... 
(SEE  BELOW)

HOW MANY ?
 
3....4....

WRONG,  THERE ARE  6  --  no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the  6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is  further down.



The brain cannot  process "OF".

Incredible  or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts  all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three  is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your  friends.
It will drive them crazy!!:
Good isnt it
This has got to be one of the cleverest msgs I've received in a while.

What is X

Crack ur brain.
X is a 7 letter word,
X is impossible 4 GOD,
new babies like X better than milk,
the poor have X and the rich look for X from the
poor,
if u eat X u will die,
X is more important than ur life.
I swear with my life I will give u X if u get d
answer.
What is X???

Click here for Answer

X is "NOTHING"

Wednesday 22 January 2014

Answer a Question about Cricket

answer the question fast .  only 1 attempt.

Batting team comes for batting and their 10 batsman get out in 10 consequtive ball, without making any attemp for runs.

Question is which number Batsman will b shown not out on scorecard..

Only 1 attempt plz..

Solve this riddle

I am a word of five letters!
People eat me! I am available in 2 colours
If u remove my 1 letter i will be a form of crime
If u remove my first 2 letters i will be name of animal
If u remove my first 4.  letters i m vowel
Answer if u r mastermind!
Ans:_________


Million Dollar Truth

Million Dollar Truth :

If Saturday And Sunday Don't Excite You, then change your Friends.

If Monday doesn't Motivate you, then change your profession.


If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should change your spouse!!!

Tuesday 21 January 2014

Boss and Secretary

Ek Secretary apne boss k sath train  trip pe ja rahi thi.

Raat ko wo kafi der tak Boss ko apne Qisse sunati rahi,

K,

Achanak Boss ne puchha:

"Kya Khayal Hai Aaj Raat Hum Dono "Miyan Biwi" ki Tarah Guzaaren"

Secretary sharmate hue boli:

"Sir, jese aap ki marzi"

Boss:

"To chalo phir apni bak bak band karo aur mujhe sone do"

.

.

.

.

Na dosto Na.

.

.

Gande msg or mere number se?
Impossible... 

One easy way to burn fats

KFC - the unseen

Masterpiece on Economics

Masterpiece on economics.

One day a tourist comes to the only hotel in a debt ridden town in Kenya. He lays a 100 dollar note on the table & goes to inspect the rooms. Hotel owner takes the note & rushes to pay his debt to the butcher. Butcher runs to pay the pig farmer. Pig farmer runs to pay the feed supplier. Supplier runs to pay the prostitute, who in these hard times gave her services on credit. Prostitute then runs to pay off her debt to the hotel owner for the rooms she rented for her clients. Hotel owner then lays the 100 dollar note back on the counter. The tourist comes down, takes his money & leaves as he did not like the rooms.
No one earned anything. But the town is now without debt & looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that is how the world is doing business today!

Valentines day Jokes

grl 2 shopkeeper : aisa koi card hai

jispe lika ho- I love only you

shopkeeper   hanji hai ..

girl: ok aisa karo 20-25 dedo...

Irritating Jokes

Solve this one!!!!
There r seven thieves

They steal diamonds from a diamond merchant and run away in jungle

While running, night sets in and they decide to rest in the jungle

When everybody's sleeping, two of the best frnds get up and decide to distribute the diamonds among themselves and run away.

So they start distributing but find that one diamond was extra.

So they decide to wake up 3rd one and divide the diamonds again .....only to their surprise they still find one diamond extra.

So they decide to wake up fourth one.

Again one diamond is spare.

5th woken up......still one extra.

6th still one extra.

Now they wake up 7th and diamonds are distributed equally.

How many diamonds in total they steal???

Solve this one There r seven thieves

Solve this one!!!!
There r seven thieves
They steal diamonds from a diamond merchant and run away in jungle
While running, night sets in and they decide to rest in the jungle
When everybody's sleeping, two of the best frnds get up and decide to distribute the diamonds among themselves and run away.
So they start distributing but find that one diamond was extra.
So they decide to wake up 3rd one and divide the diamonds again .....only to their surprise they still find one diamond extra.
So they decide to wake up fourth one.
Again one diamond is spare.
5th woken up......still one extra.
6th still one extra.
Now they wake up 7th and diamonds are distributed equally.
How many diamonds in total they steal???

Click here for Answer

301

Monday 20 January 2014

Answer to Guess international brand of watches

Question to Guess international brand of watches
Answer to Guess international brand of watches

1. Rado
2. Omega
3. Cartier
4. Casio (Not Sure)
5. Longinese (Not sure)
6. Rolex
7. Dior
8. Hublot
9. TAG Heuer
10. Movado
11. Montblanc
12. Corum
13. Ulysse Nardin

Answer to I am a word of 5 letters

Question to Guess this riddle, I am a word of 5 letters.
Answer to Guess this riddle, I am a word of 5 letters.

GRAPE

Answer to a Cowboy Arrives in Town

Question to "A Cowboy Arrives in Town on Sunday"
The Name of the Horse is SUNDAY !!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

I loved this one couldn't stop laughing,

A doctor had a fight with his wife.
Angry wife took revenge by eating an apple  ........ 

Business Structure

To all software engineers n firms:
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby….!!!!!

😛

How to open Zip

gf: "Teri ZIP khul nahi rahi yaar"
bf: "Thoda aur try kar"
gf: "Kar to rahi hoon. Nahi khul rahi"


bf: "Accha ruk. PDF bhejta hoon". 

Friday 17 January 2014

Carefully listening wife

Husband: "Hi Honey,listen me carefuly and dont be tensed, I was driving to Sakshi's place along the coast road and had a sudden puncture. Then the car skidded and rolled over. Only a small tree kept me from sliding over a cliff and falling 500 feet. I managed to crawl out of the car only one second before the tree snapped and the car fell over the cliff. I am now in hospital with a broken arm, several broken ribs, a shattered kneecap and severe concussion."

Wife: "Who is Sakshi ?

Answers to Guess the name of Chocolate Candies Name

Question to Guess the name of the Chocolate Candy Names
Answers to the Whatsapp Quiz, Guess the name of Chocolate Candies Names
1. KitKat
2. Mango Bite
3. Milky Bar
4. Candy Man
5. 5 Star
6. Gems
7. Melody
8. Dairy Milk
9. Snickers
10. Munch
11. Coffee Bite
12. Poppins
13. Kissme Bar

Guess the Chocolate Candies Name

Whatsapp Emoticons Quiz about Guess the Chocolate Candies Names


Guess the Chocolate Candy names and give answers in the comments !!


















Anwers to the Whatsapp Quiz "Guess the Chocolate Candy Names"

Neighbour and wife

Ek admi ne  apne Padosi ko sms kiya ,
Dear Sir ,
Aapko jara sa bhi andaza nhi hai lekin aapko ye jaan kar hairaani jaroor hogi aur gussa bhi aayega ... ki aapki knowledge mei aane diye bagair , I've been using ur WIFE .
I used it double than u ordinarily use it......
I used it day and night ....!
I really felt that my requirement for it was more than yours but it is not morally Okkey for me. And I must confess when I was wrong morally as well as legally.
But I am sure that you will excuse me for my such naughty act. As otherwise also u were equally keeping it unused. Logically there's nothing wrong if I grabbed the opportunity but it is against social values and moral values.
All expenses on your pocket and I am enjoying it for free.
If you agree , (only if u agree ) from now onwards I am ready to bear 50% expenses or money spent on ur WIFE.
or with no other option I will get my own.
I could have continued like this for ever without letting u know anything but hope u'll appreciate my honesty and won't take any action against me. I m also feeling very guilty .
.
.

Neighbour just shot his wife and he was going to house of person sending sms ....
He received another sms....
.
.
.
.
.
Sorry AUTO CORRECT app. On my phone made it WIFE.
Actually it was about ur Wi Fi  connection .
Regards. ..
........!


Alok Nath ka Dog

General Jokes

Bhakth :-  'Baba' Pyar karna Padta hai ya ho Jata Hai ?

Baba :- 'Beta'  Agar Ladki Khoobsurat ho aur Scooty pe ho... toh ho Jata Hai...
Agar Ladki Badsoorat ho aur Audi mein ho... toh karna padta hai.. 
At An Indian Railway Station,An American Doctor Got Heart Attack After Reading A Book's Name:"How To Become A Doctor In 30 Days? MRP  Rs.20/- Only.
Ek ladka aur ladki hotel mein gaye.
Waiter: Kya loge?
Ladki: Sabziyoo waali roti dena.
Waiter: What?
Ladka: Gaon ki hai, PIZZA maang rahi hai.

Thursday 16 January 2014

Narendra modi & Salman Khan

After yest's meet of Modi and Salman Khan...

Rahul Gandhi must meet Uday Chopra to give tough competition to Salman-Modi meet.

Salman: Sir Bigg Boss dekhte ho?
Modi: Ye kya hai?
Salman: Thoda thoda parliament jaisa hi hai. Dekha karo sir.

.——Modi: Aur Katrina ke saath kaisa chal raha hai?
Salman: Jaisa aapka aur Nitish ka chal raha hai.
Modi: LOL
Salman: LOL

——Modi: Bhai SRK ke saath film karoge dobara?
Salman: Sir aap Rahul gandhi ke saath sarkar banaoge?
Modi: LOL
Salman: LOL

——-Salman: Sir, did you see "Dabang" ?
Modi: Every morning when I dress up in front of mirror.
Salman: Uh..Ohh

——-Modi: When I'm driving, even if a puppy …Salman: Don't talk to me about driving, yaar!

————Salman: Gujarat mein daaru kidhar hai?
Modi: Teri movies mein story kidhar hai?
*High five*..!!

Jokes on Men

Men!!
Men!!
Men!!
If U advise them, they think U r dominating;
If U don't, U r not doing anything!😛
If they call,they r missing U;
If U call,U r disturbing them!😫
If they ask U anything,its their right;
If U ask them,U r interfering!
If they care,they luv U;
If U care,U r possessive🙎
So difficult....hats off to all great wives!!!!!!😬
Enough of jokes on ladies. Now its time for some male bashing  (For a change).

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up 
 
🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first? 
A: Who cares??? Just throw them


Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!  
🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: Dont know, havnt  seen either 



Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business

🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? 
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving 


Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift? 
A: Exchange him!! 

🍒

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract! 

🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Pass this on to women who need a laugh and to men who can handle it !!


Three Drunk guys

3 drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so
he started the engine & turned it off again.
He told them.... "We have reached".
The 1st guy gave him money &
the 2nd guy said "thank you".
The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap.
The driver was shocked,
thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did.
he asked "whats that for?".
Th 3rd guy replied:
"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME..

Who am I ?

Solve this if u can -
I am a 7 letter word. 
You read me daily. 
My 5 6 7 letter increase every year. 
3 & 4 letter r same. 
My 3 2 5 letter cover 79% of the world. 
Reply if u r a genius!!

Funny Smell


Wednesday 15 January 2014

Kapil Sharma vs Autorickshaw Driver

Kapil Sharma vs. Auto rickshaw driver 

Kapil :kitna paisa hua?

Auto wala : 30 Rs..

Kapil :- Ye le 15 Rs 😎

Auto Wala:- Ye kya sirf 15 Rs..ye to cheating hai 

Kapil:- Cheating kaise..Tu bhi to baith k aaya hai..to sharing ka paisa kon dega,Tera baap? 

Galib v/s Shetty

Galib v/s  Shetty

Galib : Mohhobat ki rahon pe sirf dard milega,

Wah wah mohabbat ki rahon pe sirf dard milega.

Shetty : Unnhi rahon pe Dance Bar  kholo;
bahut chalega...

Working in Admin dept

😋 Ladki wale(ladke se): beta kya kerte ho...?
Ladka: jee admin department mein Hun....
Ladki wale (khush hokar): kaun si company mein beta...
Ladka: whatsapp per 3-4 groups ka admin Hun....
Dedicated to All Admins ....

Bin pagari full adhikari...!!!

More web, more savings with Chrome for Mobile

More and more, we’re using our phones and tablets to discover great web content from all over the world. Today, a few new features in Chrome for Mobile make it easier for you to find and consume this content on the go.

Data compression for Android and iOS

In the U.S. alone, more than a fifth of adult smartphone users now do most of their online browsing on their mobile device.1 Around the world, we’re seeing a similar trend towards more mobile browsing. That’s why we’ll be rolling out a new feature on Chrome for Mobile to help you reduce data usage and save money on your mobile plan. When enabled, Chrome’s data compression and bandwidth management can reduce data usage by up to 50% while browsing the web on Chrome for Android and iOS. This feature also enables Chrome’s Safe Browsing technology which helps protect you from malicious webpages.

To start saving data and turn on an even more secure browsing experience, visit “Settings” > “Bandwidth management” > “Reduce data usage.” Then simply turn the toggle to “On.” From this menu, you’ll also be able to track how much bandwidth you save each month as you browse on Chrome.
Translate for iOS

Parlez-vous français? Not to worry. We heard your requests and will be introducing Google Translate in Chrome for iOS in the coming days. With this update, you can now translate webpages in Chrome with the click of a button on your iPhone and iPad, just as you’re used to on Chrome for desktop and Android. To translate a page into your phone or tablet’s native language, just look for the translation bar and select “Translate.”
Application shortcuts on Android

Lastly, this upcoming release of Chrome for Android will allow you to create shortcuts to your favorite websites right from your homescreen for faster and easier access to the web. When visiting a site you’d like to save, simply select “Add to homescreen” from the toolbar menu.
Then anytime you’d like to open the saved website, just tap its icon on your homescreen. For certain websites, the shortcut will open in a full-screen experience and appear as a separate app in the Android app switcher.

To try out these features on your Android and iOS devices, download the latest releases of Chrome for Mobile coming soon to the Play Store and App Store. These updates will be rolling out over the next few days.

Posted by Matt Welsh, Software Engineer & Data Squasher Extraordinaire


1Source: Pew Internet Cell Internet Use 2013 report.

Tuesday 14 January 2014

Everyone can now track down noisy tabs

November’s Chrome beta introduced improvements to help make your browsing quieter, safer and sleeker. In the latest Chrome release we’re making these available to everyone:
  • You can now track down noisy tabs: You can now visually scan your tabs for a speaker icon to quickly find the ones singing in the background. You’ll also be able to see which tabs are currently using your webcam or are being cast to your TV.
Playing audio

Using your webcam
Casting to your TV
  • Safe Browsing's malware warning has gotten stronger: If you see this message in the download tray at the bottom of your screen, you can click “Dismiss” knowing that Chrome is working to keep you safe.

  • Try out supervised users for your family members: You can now use a beta preview of supervised users to help family members who may need some guidance browsing the web. Once you create a supervised user, you can visit chrome.com/manage to review their browsing activity and determine site restrictions.
  • Chrome on Windows 8 “Metro” mode gets a new look: Manage multiple Chrome windows and quickly get to your favorite Chrome Apps with an integrated app launcher.  On the desktop, we’ve updated the default styling of UI elements like form controls and scrollbars to match the sleek design of the new Chrome Metro interface.

Yuri Wiitala, Software Engineer and Tenacious Tab Tracker

Monday 13 January 2014

Case Of Kiss And A Slap

A Funny Case Of Kiss And A Slap ? must read it

A Project Manager, His team member, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are Traveling In A Train And During The Course Of Time Get Themselves Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary Friends?

The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark?

Suddenly There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!
The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel?

The Women And The Assistant Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed?

The Manager Is Bending Over Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent Slap.
All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything?

The Old Woman Is Thinking :
These Managers Are All Crazy After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him?

The Young Girl Is Thinking :
The Manager Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother Instead And Got Slapped?

The Manager Is Thinking :
Damn It? My junior Must Have Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought    Was Me And Slapped Me?

Now Guess What The Assistant Is Thinking?

.

.

Now Hold Your Breath And Read What The Assistant Is Thinking?

If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap My Manager Again?
The Idiot  Keeps Harassing Me In The Office?!!

Mumbai Slang

Good moring mumbai.
A sample of the language that rocks Mumbai and is understood only in
Mumbai.........

1. There's a minor problem- Arre yaar, "Waanda" ho gaya
2. There's a big problem - Arre yaar, "Jhol" ho gaya
3. There's a huge problem..(unsolvable)-Arre yaar,"Raada" ho  Gaya
4. You'll be surprised .- Ekdam "Hill " jayega tu
5. I am going out of this place - Chal apun "Kaltii" marta hai.
6. Don't make a fool of others - Dekh , tu "Shendi" mat laga sabko
7. Just get out of here,you oversmart fool!! - Chal e shane, "Hawa"aan de
8. I am not a stupid out here - Apun kya "ALIBAUG" se nahi aaya
9. There's some misunderstanding - Arre kuch "Galat Faimili" ho gayi
10. Do u drink daily? - Tu kya roz "FULL TO" hota hai?
11. See, You are afraid.. - Dekh , teri to "FAT" gayi
12. Shall I bash u? - E Du kya "Kharcha Pani" ?
13. Just take him into a secret place -Use jara "Khopche" me leke ja
14. What a beautiful lady !! - Kya "Zakaas Item" hai yaar!!
15. Don't just bluff. - E Jyaada "RAAG" mat de..
16. Don't take much tension.. - Jyaada "LOAD" nahi leneka kya??
17. Your clothes are very awkward!! - Kya "ZAGMAG /DHINKCHAAK"
pehna tune?
18. I don't care about it much..!! - Abe yaar , "Hata Saawan Ki Ghata"
19. Please don't bore me... - Jyaada "PAKAA" mat be tu
20. All this must be done without anyone's notice Sab kaam "SUUMDI" me hona chahiye...kya?

What is Attachment?

A very Emotional quote....

Attachment Is Not When Two People Chat Day & Night. . . .

Attachment is not when two people cant live without each other....

Attachment is not when two people cant stay away from each other for a moment...

But When Someone Email U And attach any Image Or Data File With It.......
That File Is Called " Attachment "....😛

Sunday 12 January 2014

Two wishes

A man got TWO wishes from God. He immediately wished for the best DRINK  & the best WOMAN    

He got... MINERAL WATER & MOTHER TERESA!              

Moral - Investment is subject to market risks. Plz read the offer document carefully before investing.

Kejriwal Jokes

It all started with CID ...
then came RAJNIKANT ...
next was ALOKNATH ...
Ab bari hai
CM Arvind Kejriwal ki...

Go on and read it ...

Kejriwal is so honest that no woman has ever asked him " do I look fat"

Kejriwal is so honest that when he throws a party , he calls the cops at 10pm

Kejriwal is so honest that he actually tests the level of salt in colgate

Kejriwal is so honest that he never skips youtube ads

Kejriwal is so honest that , he always removes USB safely

Kejriwal is so honest that , when he finds the bomb , he returns it to the terrorist

Kejriwal is so honest that , he got his wife's brother arrested for stealing his shoes during  his marriage ceremony

Kejriwal is so honest that , he cooks maggie only for 2 minutes

Kejriwal is so honest that , he actually " rolls on the floor laughing" when he texts ROFL



Saturday 11 January 2014

Kuch Gyan Ki Baatein

Kuch gyan ki baate:
Life mein 2 baat hamesha yaad rakhna:
1. Hawa chalti hai to patte hilte hai.
2. Nahi chalti, to nahi hilte.
Thanks mat bolna,
Jab tak knowledge hai, dete rahenge……..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCIENCE kehti hai ki paani ubaalne se kitaanu mar jaate hai..
.
.
Par Science ko ye nahi pata ki kitaanu ke marne ke baad unki
”Dead Bodies” to paani me hi reh jati hai !
.
Stupid Science
.
kasam se bachpan se Genius hu… Lekin kabhi Ghamand nahi kiya
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cow & Cat both are sisters..
Now you must be thinking ke kaise?
Jyada mat socho.
I’m telling you, Cow Mata hoti hai Aur Billi Mausi
Bola tha na bachpan se hi intelligent hoon, lekin kabhi Ghamand nahi kiya.
No claps plz….I dnt like publicity..
Bas ab Thanks mat bolna, Jab tak knowledge hai dete rahenge…

Nikaah

Nikaah K Baad Dulha-

Maulvi saaheb  aapki Fees kitni hui?

Maulvi : Janaab, Begum Ki Khubsurti K Mutabik De do.

Dulhe Miya Ne 10 ka note De Diye aur uth kar jaane lage.

Achanak Hawa Se Dulhan Ka Ghunghat Uth Gaya.

Maulvi : Ama Miya Baki paise To Lete jao...

😈

Santa and jyotish

Santa ek jyotishi ke paas apni kundli dikhane gaya.

Jyotishi : Tera naam Santa Singh hai?

Santa (impressed) : Ji Maharaaj.

Jyotishi : Preeto teri biwi hai ?

Santa ( in admiring tone ) : Ji, ji Maharaj..!

Jyotishi : Tujhe 2 ladkiyaan aur ladka hai?

Santa (haath jod kar, sar jhuka kar ) Ji haan Maharaj...!

Jyotish- Tune abhi 10 kilo chawal kharide hain?

Santa ( jyotishi ke paer chhoote huey ) Maharaj, tussi to antaryami ho...!

Jyotishi :

AGLI BAAR AAYA TO..

KUNDLI LAANA..

RATION CARD NAHIN..! !
😇

Friday 10 January 2014

Dalai Lama defines Humanity

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him the most about humanity, answered "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; as a result he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

Alok Nath Jokes Part 3

Badrinath and Amarnath were called Badri and Amar before Alok Nath visited them.

AAP was called TU before getting blessed by Alok Nath.

Alok Nath dyes his black hair white.

Alok Nath watched The Fast and the Furious hoping it was a movie about Monday' Fast.

Alok nath is the only person jisne valentine pe apni gf ka kanyadaan kr dia..

Alok Nath's Favorite Atta Is Aashirvaad Atta !!

Alok Nath is so sanskari that when he heard the song "Gandi baat" he pours Ganga Jal into his Ears.

Alok Nath ne ek baar IIT ka exam diya.
Now that exam is called IIT JEE

Q. What would Alok Nath say in a Thumbs Up ad?
A. Aaj kuch sanskari kartein hain.

When Alok Nath met Mark Zuckerberg, he requested for an Aashirwad button on Facebook.

When Alok Naths girlfriend asked him out to a Disco, he took her for Jagrata.

What would be movie name if Alok Nath directs them?
1. Kanyadaan No. 1
2. Kanyadaan at Wadala
3. Sanskari waale Kanyadaan Kar Jayenge
4. Maine Kanyadaan kyo kiya
5. Kanyadaan kiya toh drama kya

Alok Naths favourite songs are "Where's the Aarti tonight?" and "4 baj gaye lekin Aarti abhi baaki hai".

Alok Naths favourite actress is Mandir-a Bedi.

Alok Nath played Samdhi-Samdhan when his friends played Doctor Doctor.

When Alok Nath gets a gangsters role in a movie, he smokes dhoop instead of a cigar.

Alok Nath sends Samdhan requests instead of Friend requests.

Inspired by Koffee with Karan, Alok Nath plans to come with 'Sanskar with Alok'.

Can you read English

Can u read fast in English ?
Try this honestly and test your English speaking skills. Are you ready ? So let's start.                                                        Read the lines below as fast as you can without making a mistake.



















My
A My
They My
They They My
A My They na My
                      
  

                                                                                                                                hahahaha.....😆😆

Chhutta nahi hain mere pass maaf karo... ...!!!

Cousins

'COUSINS' kya hote hAin'

So many spoons in one plate maggi😀

So many fight for thori si pepsi

So many hands, in one chips pack

So many bro and sis, on one bench

So much laughter, on one stupid joke

So many phone calls, on birthday night

So many hugs, for one little worry

So many tears, for one little fight

'Cousins, are the best part of our small life .:

So Don't lose and forget them at any PRICE.

 for all those who have cousin grp just forward they wiLL luv it..

👭👬👭👬👭👭👬

Thursday 9 January 2014

Om Puri Jokes

Alok nath ke baad om puri ke Bari... 

Om Puri was kidnapped by Taliban..

Govt launched a mission to save him .

Bolo us mission kaa
naam kya hoga...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Save Puri



Now Don't kill me for this joke

One day om puri came late....
All school boy's said
Omlet aaya Omlet aaya
😛

Saccha Humsafar

Pyar Saccha Ho Toh waQt Rukk
Jaata Hain,<3

Aasman Lakh Uncha Ho maGar
Jhuk Jata Hain,<3

Pyaar Mein Duniya Laakh Bane
Rukaawat,<3
Agar...

HumSafar Saccha Ho Toh Khudaa
Bhi Jhuk Jaata Hain...!!! "

Madhumakkhi

Madhumakkhi 🐝 ke ghutne ko kya kehte hain?
.
.
.
Make the Wildest Guess..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beat this if you can.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
It's called  " Bi Ki Ni "
(Pls No Clapping -                                          Standing Ovation only)

Father Son same problem

School teacher sent home a note..:..
.
" Your son is an obedient & bright student but spends too much time with girls. "
.
.
Mother sent a note back:
..
"Please advise a solution!
Father has the same problem...

Alok Nath Jokes Part 3

Boy: I have decided that I ll not kiss u untill we get married.
Girl: ohh..come on...that's so ALOKNATH of you.......
------------------------------------
Breaking news.

Supreme court passes new rule,

Marriage certificate not required, if Alok Nath gives ashirwad.
------------------------------------
On wedding night
Husband - Ghar mein sabse pyar se rehna, sabki respect karna, unka Vishwas jeetna.
Wife- Tum mere Praannath ho ki Aloknath.
-----------------------------------
Sunny Leone breaks out in an item number - Babuji zara dheere chalo beejli giri yahan beejli giri.
Alok Nath - Kitna khayal rakhti ho apne babuji ka! 

Wednesday 8 January 2014

Dont Copy if you cant Paste

An inspirational speaker said:
"The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife."

Audience were in shock and silence.

He added: "She was my mother"

A big round of applause & laughter followed!
.
.
.
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.

After  dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:

"The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"

Standing for a moment, he tried to recall the second line of that inspirational speaker.

By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!

Moral:
DON'T COPY..
IF U CAN'T PASTE...!!!

Full Form of Words

Do we know actual full form of some words??? 
🔗News =
North East West South. 
🔗Chess =
Chariot, Horse, Elephant, Soldiers.
🔗Cold =
Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease.
🔗Joke =
Joy of Kids Entertainment.
🔗Aim =
Ambition in Mind.
🔗Date =
Day and Time Evolution.
🔗Eat =
Energy and Taste.
🔗Tea =
Taste and Energy Admitted.
🔗Pen =
Power Enriched in Nib.
🔗Smile =
Sweet Memories in Lips Expression.
🔗Bye =
Be with you Everytime.
share these meanings as majority of us don't know these Beautiful Words !!

Sharks hunting

Two sharks swimming in the ocean come across a group of survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me son. Today I will show you the correct way to eat humans" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the group of people floating in the water.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with full fins showing." And they did. "Now, every few seconds we pop out of the water, open our mouths and let them see our teeth" And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why do all this? Why not just eat them?"

Says the wise papa shark,"Because they taste better when there is no shit inside them!"

😋😆

Lungi color

Salim Bhai ki 1 taang neeli ho gayi..
Doctor:
Shaayad Zeher phail gaya hai,
Taang kaatni padg egi!
Kuch din baad
doosri bhi neeli ho gayi! 
Dctr:
Zeher jyada fail gaya hai, dusri bhi kaatni padegi!
Dono taang kaat ke artificial taang laga di..
Kuch din baad
artificial taang bhi neeli pad gayi!
Dctr:
Ab tumhari bimaari samajh mein aa gayi,
"TUMHARI LUNGI COLOUR CHHODTI HAI!! 

Kuchh Nai found

Tuesday 7 January 2014

Scrabbled words

This has got to be one of the cleverest msgs I've received in a while,

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!)

1. DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
A SPARKLING DRIVE

2. PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

3. MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

4. DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

5. ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

6. DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

7. THE EYES
When you rearrange 
THEY SEE

8. A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I M A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE

MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER... 
Jaldi forward karo..Ye market me naya hai..😛

Zindagi ke 8 hisse

 Zindagi ke 8 Hisse hote hain :

1. Padhai


📕
📗
📓



2. Khel


🚴

🎳


3. Mauj Masti

🏂
🎼

🏉
🎳



4. Pyar

💖
💞

💕




5. Shaadi












6.




7.






8.






Kya dhoond rahe ho..???

Shadi hone ke baad sab Khatam....

😀

Waking Up !

Engineering boy and books

An engg student had a crush on his classmate. One fine day he proposed her. But she rejected and threatened that she would complain to the principal if he ever bothered her again. And the boy remains silent for rest of the days.

Some days later the girl borrows a book from that boy and writes in it
.
.
" I love u too. Sorry to hurt you the other day. If you forgive me, please come and speak to me."

Four years passed, and the boy never approached the girl again.

MORAL: Engineering boys never open their book!

Boys are all the same

Hello, new year. Hello, new Chromebooks.

In the past year, the way we use computers continued to evolve. Around the world, more than 2.4 billion laptops, tablets and smartphones were purchased — that’s over 4,500 devices per minute — and over one-third of people worldwide now have consistent access to the web, helping us work, play, learn and connect with each other.

Chromebooks were designed for this new way of computing, and their popularity over 2013 reflects these trends. Two of the three best-selling laptops on Amazon this holiday season and 21% of all commercial notebooks sold through the channel were Chromebooks. Today, eight top computer manufacturers are building Chrome devices, with thousands of retail locations selling Chromebooks, and resellers like CDW are offering them to businesses, schools and governments.

Whichever Chromebook you have, Chrome OS stays fresh. New updates like the supervised users feature beta preview, make it easier to share Chromebooks with everyone in your family, including those who may need guidance browsing the web. Quickoffice is also now built into every Chromebook allowing you to work with Microsoft Office files offline, while Docs, Sheets and Slides all work offline as well - so you can keep working without an internet connection. In the education market, Lenovo and Dell introduced education focused Chromebooks, adding to a family of devices verified to meet Smarter Balanced and PARCC assessment requirements with software from AIR and Pearson Testnav8.

With 2014 in swing, there’s plenty more in store. Starting at the Consumer Electronics Show, several of our partners welcomed new additions:

  • Toshiba introduced their first Chromebook, a 13.3-inch device based on the Haswell microarchitecture, balancing performance, portability and affordability.
  • LG Electronics introduced the first Chromebase, a 21.5-inch All-In-One unit, combining the simplicity of Chrome OS with an elegant, integrated hardware package.
  • Acer announced a moonstone white version of it’s popular Acer C720 Touchscreen Chromebook line. 

As the way we use computers continues to evolve, the need for a faster, simpler and safer computer grows. With the continued support of our users and partners, we’re looking forward to an even bigger 2014.

Posted by Caesar Sengupta, VP, Product Management

Alok Nath Google

Wife Jokes

Agar aapki wife aapka kehna nahi manti hai to..😯😯
.

.

to..
.

.


.

.

.

Itna dhyan se mat padho,
kisi ki nahi manti...😋😆😎b
.
.
Iska koi solution nahi hai.

Wife: Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu.
Husband: Nahi.
Wife: Kyun?
Husband: Main "hanuman chalisa" padh kar sota hu.

*******************
Unmarried boy: "Mujhe shaadi nahin karna. Mujhe sab aurato se darr lagta hai."

Father: "Kar le beta, phir 1 hi aurat se darr lagega baaki sab achhi lagengi."
😛😛😛😛

Assistant: "Sir, Aap Office Mein Shadi-Shuda Aadmiyon Ko Hi Kyu Rakhte Ho?"

Boss: "Kyunki Unhe Beizzati Sehne Ki Aadat Hoti Hai Aur Ghar Jane Ki Jaldi Bhi Nahi Hoti"
 😩 
🌽
Husband-  "tere baap ki jaley par namak chidakne ki adat gayi nahi?"

Wife- kyo kya hua?

Husband- aaj fir se puch raha tha "Meri beti se shadi karke kush to ho na?




Touching story...
A husband and wife went for a walk. While walking husband got hurt by a stone and started bleeding. He looked at his wife, hoping she would tear her dupatta and tie it on the wound.

Wife looked in his eyes and said: Sochna bhi mat...
Designer piece hai!!!
😆

Wife and Dog in a room

Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you ! 

(Readers are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog) 

Don't laugh loud ---- 

Husband wife train and passenger

Don't miss dis
Its awesome

Train me ek Husband apni sexy wife se jhagda krte huye ..

Tujhse Shaadi karke pachta raha hu , Dil karta hai tujhe kutto ke aage daal du ..

Saamne wala passenger ..

Bhow , Bhow Bhow , Bhow ..😎

Investment Ideas!

Investment Ideas!

If you purchased Rs1,00,000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 4,900 today.

If you purchased Rs1,00,000 of AIG stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 3,300 today.

If you purchased Rs1,00,000 of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 0.0 today.

But, if you purchased Rs1,00,000 worth of beer 1 year ago, drank all the beer, returned the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would have Rs. 21,400/- !!!

Imagine, the above said returns is just an addition on top of all the entertainment you got by drinking beer (which is not accountable in terms of money).

Think Smart!!
Drink Beer

Cheers..!! 🍷●

Height of Attitude


HEIGHT OF ATTITUDE:
A cockroach's last words to a man who is about to kill him:
"Go ahead & kill me, u coward! U r jealous of me bcoz ur wife is afraid of me & NOT AFRAID OF YOU !


Some Amazing Facts

Some Amazing Facts :
★ Ants never sleep!
★ When the moon is directly overhead, you will weigh slightly less.
★ Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never called his wife or mother; because they were both deaf.
★ An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
★ "I Am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
★ Babies are born without knee caps – actually, they're made of cartilage
and the bone hardens, between the ages of 2-6 years.
★ Happy Birthday (the song) is copyrighted.
★ Butterflies taste with their feet.
★ A "jiffy", is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
★ It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
★ Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
★ Minus 40° Celsius, is exactly the same as minus 40° Fahrenheit.
★ No word in the English language, rhymes with month - orange - silver -or- purple.
★ Shakespeare invented the words "assassination"and "bump".
★ Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
★ Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
★ The names of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
★ The sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"
uses every letter in the English language.
★ The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
★ The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
★ The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
★ Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from the blowing desert sand.
★ TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
★ Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
★ The dot over the letter "i" is called a 'Tittle'.

Must Share and Spread Knowledge !

Monday 6 January 2014

How to lose weight fast

Fat man saw an ad in a newspaper

"lose 5kg in a week"

He calls the company & lady says

" be ready tomorrow at 6am."

The next morning he opens the door

&
finds a hot babe with just shoes & shirt saying ,
"u catch me u  kiss me!"

& the girl starts running...

He starts running but doesn't catch her.

During the whole week he tried to catch her but
couldn't. However he loses 5 kg.

He then asks for the 10kg program.

Next morning at 6 am he opens the door
&
sees an even hotter babe in shoes & a shirt saying

"u catch me , u kiss me".

He loses 10 kg that week.

So he thought this program is awesome!
Lets try the 25 kg!

So he asked for the 25 kg
but the lady said "R u sure? its really tough !!!! ".

he said "YES!"

Next day at 6 am he opens the door,
he finds a Negro gay saying

.
.
.

"If I catch u, I will kiss u..!"😆😆😆😆😆😆

Murder of English

MURDER OF ENGLISH <=-P
1. Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin ;;)
2. Both of u stand together separately.  =))
3. Why r u looking at the monkeys outside when I'm inside
4. Will u hang the calendar or else I will hang myself. =D
5. I hav 2 daughters both r girls
6. Giv me a blue pen of any color. ✒✒
7. The principal is revolving in the corridor.  :p
8. All of u stand in a straight circle. =))
9. Open the window 😐
Let the airforce come in:E>

Alok Nath movie roles

Husband's answer after he forgot wife's birthday

Wife (angrily) -  I don't believe this... u forgot my birthday again?? How can you do this...

Husband - how can you expect me to remember your birthday when u never look older..

Wife (clear her throat and smile) - 
  jaanu Sacchi 😛

Husband in his mind (sahi time pe dialogue aa gya beta...warna aaj toh lag jaate..)

---

Dhoom series negative actors comparison

Dry Days in 2014 !

Dry Day Calender-2014
Jan 26,30
Mar 16.17
May 1
Jul 2,9
Aug 1,15
Sep 8.23
Oct 2,3,8
Nov 4
Dec 25
Send this imp msg to all commitee members. . .

Oxymoron examples

Oxymoron: An Oxymoron is defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meanings are brought together....

Here are some funny oxymoron's :
1) Clearly Misunderstood.
2) Exact Estimate.
3) Small Crowd.
4) Act Naturally.
5) Found Missing.
6) Fully Empty.
7) Pretty Ugly.
8) Seriously Funny.
9) Only Choice.
10) Original Copies...

And the best of all :
11) Happily Married  

Alok Nath jokes - Part 2

Badrinath and Kedarnath were called Badri and Kedar before Alok Nath visited them.
AAP was called TU before getting blessed by Alok Nath.
Alok Nath dyes his black hair white.
Alok Nath watched The Fast and the Furious hoping it was a movie about Monday' Fast.
Alok nath is the only person jisne valentine pe apni gf ka kanyadaan kr dia..
Alok Nath's Favorite Atta Is Aashirvaad Atta !!
Alok Nath is so sanskari that when he heard the song "Gandi baat" he pours Ganga Jal into his Ears.
Alok Nath ne ek baar IIT ka exam diya.
Now that exam is called IIT JEE
Q. What would Alok Nath say in a Thumbs Up ad?
A. Aaj kuch sanskari kartein hain.
When Alok Nath met Mark Zuckerberg, he requested for an Aashirwad button on Facebook.
When Alok Naths girlfriend asked him out to a Disco, he took her for Jagrata.
What would be movie name if Alok Nath directs them?
1. Kanyadaan No. 1
2. Kanyadaan at Wadala
3. Sanskari waale Kanyadaan Kar Jayenge
4. Maine Kanyadaan kyo kiya
5. Kanyadaan kiya toh drama kya
Alok Naths favourite songs are "Where's the Aarti tonight?" and "4 baj gaye lekin Aarti abhi baaki hai".
Alok Naths favourite actress is Mandir-a Bedi.
Alok Nath played Samdhi-Samdhan when his friends played Doctor Doctor.
When Alok Nath gets a gangsters role in a movie, he smokes dhoop instead of a cigar.
Alok Nath sends Samdhan requests instead of Friend requests.
Inspired by Koffee with Karan, Alok Nath plans to come with 'Sanskar with Alok'.
Alok Nath used to bunk classes and go to temple.
When Alok Nath is out of reach on mobile, it says "Jis upbhokta ko aap call karna chahtein hain wo abhi Kanyadaan kar rahe hain".
Alok Nath had all the senior citizen privileges since he was 6 years old.
What Santa Claus is to Christmas, Alok Nath is to weddings.
Once Alok Nath gave a speech on a channel. Since then the channel is known as Sanskaar.
Alok Nath removed his slippers before he plays Temple Run.

Issued in public interest !

Did you know:
• The pleasure of romance in the dark is 10 times more than when the light is ON.
• Taking shower together 🚿with your partner increases your love by 20 times.
Now, please don't get excited, it's just an advertisement to save water and electricity...
🚱
Issued in public interest...
By AAM ADMI PARTY..

Dhoom 3 Logic

Dhoom 3 logic :
1. If you Take Loan From Bank, and if banks asks
for repayment...They're wrong !!
2. Chicago Police Department Thinks Mumbai
Police has better knowledge of Chicago State
3. Abhishek Bachan's Auto Rickshaw Is The
Ultimate Vehicle Ever.
4. Aamir Khan's BMW Bike can turn to
anything...almost anything
-Boat
-aeroplane
- Sub marine
- tooth brush
- cell phone
- tv remote
- etc...ANYTHING
5. Abhishek Bachan Can have bike fallen onto him
but still can get up and arrive at Crime Scene
From Anywhere.
6. Cop from Mumbai has better Knowledge of
chicago roads than Chicago Police it self.
Pathetic story Line...
Haha......Just Read This!
Bande Hai Yeh Kiske.....Kisne Diya Inko Itna Zor....Chappal Se Dhoyenge Inko Agar Banaya Dhoom 4😆

How to take a right decision

Sunday 5 January 2014

Aloknath and Rajnikant

This one is ultimate.
Once Alok Nath was returning from Kanyadaan ceremony in a BEST bus. As he was too tired to stand, he looked for a seat but didn't get any. However he got one with the help of a bus conductor.
Alok gave ASHIRVAAD to him, today we know that conductor as RAJNIKANT..😎

Doodhwala aur Daaruwala

Ek bar Mahadevji dharti par aaye. Chalte chalte unhe pyaas lagi.
Samne doodh wala mila.doodh manga to usne jawab diya "aise muft me doodh nahi milta". 
Aur aage jane par daru wala mila. Jab daru mangi toh usne kaha "pee lo jitni chahiye mauj karo".
Mahadevji prasann hue aur uss daru wale ko vardaan diya...
doodh wale ko doodh dene ghar ghar jana padega
par
daru wale ko dhundte hue log uske paas jayenege.
Tatasthu.....
And since then the trend follows....

Husbands failed messages


Wife (SMS): Hi Baby
Husband: Hii Honey (sending failed)
Wife: R u there???
Husband: Yes Yes.... I am here (sending failed)
Wife: R U ignoring me or wat?
Husband: Honey I m not... I am trying to reply u (sending failed)
Wife: Its over....don't ever talk to me again.
Husband: Ja mar ( Message sent)
Admi Galat nahi hote, haalaat galat hote hai