Teachers Killer English

Haryana  school Teacher's  killer English:
1.   Pick  up  the paper n fall in the dust-bin  !
2.    Both  of  you three .. stand together separately  !
3.  Will u hang that calendar  or  I'll "HANG  MYSELF!"
4.  Tomorrow  call your   parents especially  mother and   father  !
5.   Why  are  you  looking   at   the monkey   outside when  I  am  in   the   class...?
6.    I have  TWO daughters:   both     are   girls.
7.    Stand  in  the middle   of   the corner  !
8. The  boy  behind the  last  boy, please stand  up...!!  

Sabse bada Rupaiya

Mother: Son I'm sorry  my husband is not your dad. I had an affair 23 years ago with a man . And that person is your real father."
 
Son: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?
 
Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him..
'cause we are from different religions. He is on the phone right now and wants to speak with his son, come talk to him."
 
Son: No I am not speaking to any one. My dad is the only father I know and so will that be."
 
Mother: Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him.
 
Son: Ok, I will not commit anything.
 
Phone: Morning Son, I am Mukesh Ambani. I am your real father.
 
Son: Maa ki Aaaannkkhhh... Dad! Dad! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Luv u so much Dad!!!! I always knew there was something special about me.. Thank you soooo much mum. You are the best mum in d world!"
 

Moral:
Na Biwi Na Bachha ; Na Baap Bada Na Bhaiya ; The Whole thing is dat ki bhaiya Sabse Bada Rupaiya..


Bablu Mishra ka wallet

Ek aadmi ne 98.3 FM pe phone kiya

Man : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash. . .ek Credit Card aur bablu Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.

Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge. . ???

Man : Nahi!!
Main chahta hu ki Bablu Mishra ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye...

Height of overconfidence

Height of overconfidence:

There was a meeting of Bihar freedom fighters.

They wanted to free bihar from India.

Ram bhaiya raised a point, "We may take Bihar from India but how will we develop it?"

Shayam bhaiya had a brainwave. "No problem! We will attack America, we will lose the war & it will take us over. Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically. We will also become direct citizens of USA. No more Visas & Green Cards.

"All the Bhaiyas were happy with this solution but an old bhaiya was not.

Someone asked him:
Why he wasn't happy. The old bhaiya replied, "That's all very well.!

But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America??? " 

Reason for only a few Tigers left

Tiger : Yaar Ye Saale Discovery aur Animal Planet walo ne bhi Pareshan kar k rakha hai..

Monkey - Kyun? Kya hua bhai!

Tiger - Saale raat-din camere lagake baithte hai, Privacy to dete nahi, aur fir bolte hain,

"Only Few Left..Only Few Left."

Characteristics of a true Gujarati


Ek dum superb chhe..!
           
True and unmistakable characteristics of a true Gujarati:

01. Every autowala, taxiwala, grocerywala is  'Kaka'.

02. Gujju never go to Office, they go to Hoffis.

03. The first rule of money - never use your own.

04. "Su nava juni" is their version of 'wassup'?

05. Be it 7am in the morning or past midnite, gathiyas are always welcome.

06. They keep an "ELARAM" to wake up in the morning.

07. No party is over without a round of GARBA.

08. They call all types of noodles "Meggi"!

09. When someone asks about a person, Gujju says GENTLEMAN MANAS chhey.

10. They have a PhD in bargaining by birth.

11. They can speak any language of the world in Gujarati.

12. Gujju don't have feelings, they have FILLINGS.

13. Jai Shri Krishna = Hello and Good Bye.

14. All their conversations begin with kem chhe, maja ma ne, and end with: "Koyi saaru investment batavo ne..."

15. Gujju shout their guts out on international calls, thinking they can hear them better that way.

16. Swimming is not for them - They call it 'chhab-chhabia'.

17. For them Electricity never goes - only Light does.

18. Gujju don't call people, they COAL them.

19. Sensex interests more than anything.

20. Chhas is their Beer.

21. They are everywhere, all over the globe - deal with it.

22. Gujju go to movie HOLE and take outside SNAKES for refreshments.

23. Mount Abu is their Switzerland.

24. If a Gujju starts Koffee with Karan, he would name it "Chhas with Chhagan".

25. A true Gujju looks forward to eat Thai, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, chaat and Undhiyu at the cousin's wedding.

26. At least 50% of the contacts in the phone book end with the word BHAI.

27. Being Punjabi means more chapati, less rice; being Mallu means less chapati, more rice.
Being Gujju - just eat more yaar, 'shu farak pade chhe?'

28. Gujjus believe Narendra Modi is the solution for everything - from Fashion style to Nation's progress.

29. Vile Parle and New Jersey feels like home - Apduj chhe.

30. They will spend 1000 rupees for a 10 rupee free gift, free ma malle, etle maja aavi jai.

31. They eat home made theplas with chhundo and athanu on business class flight.

32. Gujju can do Garba on any song in the world.

33. Falguni Pathak is Britney Spears for them.

34. After having chaat, bhelpuri, sevpuri, Gujju makes sure they ask for extra puri and then a discount.

35. Order soup 1 by 2, you get more quantity - be smart.

36. If it is beeg (big), edible and free, go on dude, eat it.

37. Mumbai + Gujarat + London + Amerika = Whole world. Nothing else exists for them.

38. Everyone is invited to a Gujju home for lunch, and fed like you have come from the groom's side.

39. If all of a sudden you hear a dhoom machale ringtone or a loud scream or a loud chit chat amongst a group, immediately assume that you are amidst Gujjus.

40. Hindi humko 'jara bhi nahi faata hai'.

41. Age 15 or 50, your parents will always refer to you as their 'baby' or 'babo'.

42. KEDBURY is the generic name for chocolate.

43. Gujju take the constitution very seriously, everyone is called Bhai and Ben.

44. If you do not go for Navratri, you didn't exist.

45. All own Reliance collectively.

46. Dandiya is their Prom.

47. You pack according to a 5N/6D holiday when going for a one day picnic.

48. Time spent at a party - Dancing (10 minutes) Chitchat (10 minutes) Dinner (100 minutes)

49. Gujju get tired after walk of 15 minutes and play dandia for 5 hours.

50. A true Gujju will definitely forward this..
  
Dedicated to all Gujjus..!
This is for all of my Gujju friends 

Concept explained Scientifically

I don't think I've ever heard a concept explained scientifically better than this...😎

"Well you see, it's like this...

A herd of buffalos can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo? 🐃🐃🐃

And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. 🐃🐃🐃🐅

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only work as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Now, as we know,excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.🌐

And that, my dear friend, is why you always feel smarter after a few drinks.😇😎 NB
For more such jokes visit : http://whatsapp-forwards.blogspot.com

Male Logic

MALE LOGIC

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?


John , Keith and the Widow

John decided  to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's  minivan and headed north.

After  driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible  blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the  attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend  the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out  there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm  recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours  will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't  worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And  if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The  lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and  settled in for the night.

Come  morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.  They enjoyed a great weekend of skii ng.

But about  nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an  attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he  finally determined that it was from the attorney of that  attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He  dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you  remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at  on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?' 

'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, er,  happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the  house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Keith  said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have  to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give  her my name instead of telling her your  name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he  said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.'  'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me an estate of 50 million dollars.'

And you thought the ending would be different, didnt you?

Latest Collection of Suarez Jokes

Some Of Latest Collection Of Suarez-
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Mom: Happy birthday beta.
Suarez: Thanks ma.
Mom: Cake kaato.
Suarez: Haan.
Mom: Arrey beta chakku se.
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..
Had Luis Suarez been an engineering student, which Indian college
was he likely to be found in?
- BITS Pilani.
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Suarez ke Talent Ki Daant Deni Hogi..
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Generally In Other Sports We Have a Nail-Biting Finish..
Soccer is Different !!
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If Suarez was from Bihar , What would his mother call him ?
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'Bitwa'
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Luis Suarez ka favorite application?
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BitTorrent.
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And Last And Best One -
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Suarez to girl - " Do u believe in love at first bite?"

Crash landing on a mysterious Island

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia to celebrate their anniversary
when suddenly, over the PA system, the Pilot announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued as it is a totally unknown island. So we may have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later after deep thought, Rajiv turns to his wife and
still shaken from the crash landing, asks "Mona, have we paid our Credit Card dues yet?"
"Oh, No! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,"
"And Did you send cheque for the auto loan this month?" he asks.
"Oh! Forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 20 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why are you kissing me?"
Rajiv : "We are Saved! ICICI BANK will find us!"

The briefcase and the miniskirt

The briefcase and the miniskirt
Different nationalities, different reactions,
different consequences...
                                

Tokyo, Japan

A man was walking past a young girl, when a jagged edge of his briefcase accidentally tore her mini skirt.
Before the man could apologize, the girl bowed deeply, and said,"I humbly apologize for this error. The quality of my skirt is not good."
Then she took out a pin, put the skirt back together and left.

New York, USA

Before the man could react, the woman pulled out a business card and gave it to him saying,
"This is my lawyer's card. He will contact you about this sexual harassment matter. See you in court, buddy!"

London, England

Before the man could react, the girl quickly covered the torn spot with a newspaper, and said with a blush on her face,
"Do you mind taking me home, sir? I live not far away."
The Englishman took his jacket off, put it on her, called a cab and took her home safely.

Paris, France

Before the man could react, the girl murmured with a smile,"A red rose can best convey your apology, monsieur."
The Frenchman bought her a rose, and then they went to a nearby cafe, drank some wine, and retired to a discreet little hotel for the rest of the afternoon.

Sydney, Australia

Before the man could apologize, the girl turned around, took out a hunting knife, ripped the side of his trousers and said; "OK, now we're even, mate", and then they both went off to down a few pints of amber nectar together.

Shanghai, China

Before the man could say anything, the police came and took him away to labour camp

New Delhi, India

Before the man could apologize, Arnab Goswami was on Times Now TV, yelling, "Times Now is the first TV channel to bring you this outrageous event. This is a Times Now exclusive. We assure you, we shall track this sordid story to the very end. The nation is watching ! The PM must answer !"

One Line Humour

One Line Humor...

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it..

Loyalty Tests

Loyalty Tests...

Test 1:
Wife buys 12 underwears of same colour for hubby..🔻

Hubby- Why same colour sweetheart. people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people

Total silence...

Test 2:
A couple sees a hot girl.. 
Wife: So big, aren't they? 
Husband: Yes 
Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband: I think natural. 😎😎
Wife: Ear-rings & Natural?? 😕😕
.
Total Silence 😐😐😐
.

Best one
Test 3:
Men will always be Men -
Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- "HARI OM" and rest of them said- "WHERE WHERE!" 😆😆😆... 😅




Today's Generation are smarter

Very sweet msg..

In a Nursery School Canteen, there's a basket of apples with a notice written over it:

'Do not take more than one, God is watching'

On d other counter there's a box of chocolates,
A small child went & wrote on it.
"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching d apples".
NEVER ACT SMART WITH today's generation..!!.😀😜😜😜😜
======================
KID :- Why some of ur hair are white dad ?

DAD : – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hair turns white …..

KID :- Now understand why grandpa's hairs are all white …..

Moral :- Don't be over smart ..

*************************
Child : Mummy why Gandhiji has no hair on his head?
.
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Mummy : Because he speak only truth.
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Child: Now I understud why ladies have long hair....

Moral:- Remains the same.😛😛

We Indians are Unique

We Indians Are Unique    😎      

1. Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.  

2. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door. But the female runs for her dupatta.

3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport / railway stn) is an important family affair.😎

4. We thrive on street food and we don't get sick.

5. Every Indian mother has 2 careers - Working / Housewife + Match Making.

6. We have all had secret boyfriends / girlfriends. We don't care about them cheating on us but we dread getting caught by each others parents. 

7. Indian girls have 3 type of brothers. Real brother, Cousin brother, Rakhee brother.  

8. The bride must cry at her Vidai. She has no business looking happy.

9. We go on cleaning sprees only during eid or when we have guests coming over.

10. However old we are, our parents need to know every detail of our schedule. Daily. No excuses.  No exemption. 

11. When Indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12. Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!


12. If we live in another city and don't call our Mom daily , she'll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.

13. We get embarrassed in front of our parents even when the word "sex" is written on a Form to specify gender.

14. No other nationality can beat Indians in bargaining. "Chalo bhaiya . Na tera na mera. Itne paise theek hain."
😅

15. No matter if we are Convent educated.
When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, swear words in our mother tongue.
🙊🙉🙈

16. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.

17. Why to change the remote batteries when you can just slap the shit out of the remote and make it work?


18. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.

Retired Husbands

Read This Its HILARIOUS  !!

RETIRED HUSBAND!!
                    
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,
from the local Wal-Mart   

Dear Mrs. Harris:

> Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
> We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
> Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:  

> 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

> 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,

'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.  

> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.  

> 6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 

> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.  

> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

> 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.  

> 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.  

> 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'  

> 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'  
 
> 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

> And last, but not least:

> 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.

Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds

Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA:         Here it is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS:         Maria.
_______________________________
TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using the tables.
_______________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  
(I  Love this child)
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:       Me!
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?       
GLEN:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________
TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
MILLIE:         I  is...
TEACHER:     No, Millie...... always say, 'I  am.'
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'      
_______________________________
TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:          Because George still had  the axe in his hand......    
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
______________________________
TEACHER:       Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE   :         No sir, It's the same dog.    
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________________________
TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:     A teacher
_______________________________
PASS  IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER  IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

Collateralized Debt Obligation

The Bankers will love this and the rest will laugh too.......

Collateralized Debt Obligation explained by an Irishman

Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
In the morning he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied, 'Well just give me my money back then.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.'
Paddy now works for Morgan Stanley.

Horror Stories in 2 sentences

Terrifying horror stories wrapped up in two sentences or less

1.
I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.

2.
The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.

3.
In all of the time that I''ve lived alone in this house, I swear to God I''ve closed more doors than I''ve opened.

4.
A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up and started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room and said "I heard that, too."

5.
My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.

6.
I always thought my cat had a staring problem - she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.

7.
There''s nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it''s 1 a.m. and you''re home alone.

8.
I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, "Daddy, check for monsters under my bed." I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, "Daddy, there''s somebody on my bed."

9.
You get home, tired after a long day''s work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.

10.
There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone